Dan driving away from a large fire. Grabbing part of a shirt from the backseat and tearing it using his teeth and free hand. Ties it around his hand like a tourniquet. Gasoline can on the floor of car. A gun in the seat next to him. An explosion happens in the background and yelling. He has soot on his face. The pages of an open bible blow around in the backseat and money flies everywhere. Some out the window. He turns up the radio and yells
DAN
“Praise the Lord!”
EXT- SCOOTER’S DOUBLE WIDE TRAILER/HOT TUB- NIGHTTIME
“If you like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, I’m not much into yoga”
A thin wire runs hangs around the step latter of the hot tub, attached to the end is a small radio with a large antenna.
Scooter is dripping wet, dancing in the kitchen, holding a full plate of hamburgers. He's trying to grab a huge jar of mayonnaise with his hands full and a 5pack of beer hanging from his mouth. His dog is tugging on a large, bright pink, women’s bra that’s stuck around the bottom of a chair. It drags the chair into the small kitchen and Scooter has to hop over it. He pushes the dog with his knee and opens the sliding glass door to the yard with his big toe.
“Come on Chocolate!”
His phone rings, “When I get this feeling I need sexual healing, sexual healing” Scooter looks up from his pain in disgust.
SCOOTER
“Ugh.”
He slowly flops onto his belly and does a pitiful ladies’ pushup to get up on his knees. He watches his phone ring and buzz itself off the edge of the hot tub and into the water.
SCOOTER
"Welp"
He picks a burger patty up off of the deck. Dips it into a blob of thousand island dressing next to him and takes a bite.
The phone falls slowly through the hot tub water past some whitey tighties and onto the bottom. Still faintly singing the sexual healing song.
The dog runs over and licks his face as he’s chewing, then turns to licking the spilled condiment off the ground. Scooter elbows him away.
SCOOTER
“Chocolate, No.”
He picks up a square of American cheese, unwraps it and throws it like a frisby into the side yard, the dog gives chase. Scooter takes another bite of the burger and pulls a blade of grass from his lip.
SCOOTER
“Did a goddamn split!”
Takes another bite of the burger
SCOOTER
Big mean world!”
“Hey! This is SCOOT! SCOOT! Leave a message after the BEEP! BEEP!”
The Dan leaves a message on Scooter's phone while it’s being pushed by the jets at the bottom of the Jacuzzi.
DAN
"Mr. Scooter, we gotta talk.”
Scooter rolls over on his belly, gets up lazily and pees in the backyard bushes. The dog flails wildly, itching it’s back on the ground next to him.
EXT- BEACH – NIGHTTIME
Nat King Cole’s “Stardust” plays as a limo swerves like a snake, speeding along a beach at midnight. Inside an overweight ballerina wrestles with a young man in a Cadet uniform. Her makeup has run all down her cheeks and the soft music plays loudly as they tumble back and forth across the seats.
The driver is injured, he holds the wheel steady with one good arm.
Finally the door swings open and the limo turns 90 degrees while stopping. She falls out, tumbling across the sand like a boogie board caught in the wind. The cadet gets out of the backseat and walks over to the woman. He lights a cigarette and steps on her back instead of stepping over her. He rolls her over and slaps her unconscious body.
Jason Moller is in a nearby beach house sipping whiskey and looking out his back window. He sees this going on in the distance. He grabs a knife from a glass case on the wall full of antique weapons from the civil war, he walks down his porch stairs towards the scene.
The limo driver stands over the lifeless ballerina, he slaps her again. She starts to wake up.
DRIVER
“I’m worried about you.”
She spits out some sand. The driver strikes her again and she starts to scream. He turns her over and pushes her face down into the dune to quiet her.
When she screams Jason goes from a walk to a run. As he approaches the ballerina flails wildly kicking up sand a rolling around fighting back.
JASON
“That’s enough you devil!”
The driver sees Jason, walks back to the idling limo and peels out.
Jason trots over to the woman, crying face down in the sand. He picks up her shoe and pours some sand out of it.
JASON
“Ma’am, I’m sorry to interfere, but it look like there ain’t no love left b’tween y’all.”
He hands her the shoe.
BALLERINA
“I…(takes a deep breath)…I…(shakes her head)…I…(looks up at Jason).”
JASON
“Ballerina, I think you’re concussed.”
BALLERINA
“Was he gonna kill me?”
JASON
“It sure looked like you took the jelly outta his doughnut.”
BALLERINA
“Do you think you could suffocate on sand like that?”
JASON
“I’d say that depends on the suffocate’ and the suffocater. Either way I think we should get to higher ground, just in case your beau plots his return.”
BALLERINA
“Huh (nods her head in agreement). “
EXT GOLFCOURSE DAYTIME
The edge of the green is perfectly defined from the crowd sitting along the edges of it cannonball and indian style. The dots of color move slightly around in their tiny areas like a school of fish washed up on a beach.
ANNOUNCER
“The weather conditions today, absolutely gorgeous. If you could describe a day in heaven that you want to play golf for eternity, it would likely be fashioned after what we have in front of us this afternoon.”
Three players are warming up on a putting green surrounded by a snaking crowd of people. The network logo and the statistics of the day’s weather are projected in the bottom half of the foreground.
PLAYING CONDITIONS:
TEMPERATURE: 85 degrees
HUMIDITY: 50%
WIND: East 5 mph
FORECAST: Sunny
ANNOUNCER
“It’s warm, 85 degrees and very little wind to bother these players when they come through that treacherous ‘Amen Corner’ at the final three holes. Now lets go out and meet just a few of the gentleman who will be playing in this wonderful spectacle today.
INT. BATHROOM - DAY
Dan comes to, splashing hot water on his face, gasping for air. He looks at himself in the bathroom mirror, breathing heavily. There’s a loud roar from outside the door. Dan stares at his own reflection and studies a scar on his chin. The water is steaming. He lifts his shirt and looks at a large bruise on his side. He grunts in anger and shakes the sink in rage. He collects himself and says a prayer while slicking his hair back with his wet hands.
He exits the bathroom and walks through a smoke filled bar, football is playing in the corner. The place erupts as a touchdown is scored. He keeps his eyes down navigating through feet and peanut shells. He opens the door to the outside, walking into the blinding sunlight. He squints from the sky and his eyes adjust to see his caddy Scooter in the driver's seat of a golf cart.
SCOOTER
"We're late fat boy!"
Dan nods and walks up to the cart, the game is playing on the radio. He gets in the passenger seat slowly. Scooter has a hamburger in his left hand. There's a plate of potato chips with a pickle rolling around it on the seat between them. They take off abruptly and the chips slide around on the seat. Scooter holds half eaten hamburger up to Dan.
SCOOTER
"Half of this is yours Mr. Superstar."
Dan looks at it and shakes his head no. Their golf cart drives down a skinny dirt path. They tear across a wooden bridge with ducks swimming underneath. They pass a huge crowd around a hot dog stand. Dan rides with his head down past the beautiful scenery. Scooter takes a bite of the burger, throws it down and says,
"That's it, last one. Rest is yours."
Dan picks up a styrofoam cup; he smells it and takes a sip.
SCOOTER
“Tell me the truth, you got nine more holes in you?”
DAN
"Stop!"
Scooter slows to a stop. There are people walking past to the green. They look and laugh and whisper to each other.
Dan looks over and stares at Scooter.
SCOOTER
"Sorry big fella. Looks like you got a wet knee cap. You should wear some shorts. Gotta air those things out every now and then. Big sausage legs."
DAN
"I might have to sit this one out Scoot. I’m off, for real."
EXT. GOLFCOURSE NIGHTIME
Dan is sprinting down the fairway the night before, socks full of blood.
Dan is sweating and gasping for air in a sand trap.
Dan is running through woods carrying a blackened, smoking golf club with an oven mit on his hand.
Dan is screaming face down in the grass.
EXT. GOLFCOURSE DAYTIME
SCOOTER
“I got my new cleats in the mail, got my dynamite visor on. All in all, I’m wearing about a hundred fifty bucks right now. And hot shot wants to leave cause he got drink on his pants. Nobody cares man. Nobody's gonna care!"
They both look down at the spot of coca cola on the knee of his tan pants.
DAN
“First of all Scoot, you know people gonna be talking bout a grown ass man walking around, on live television, with a wet knee cap. You know that. But that’s not the point, point is, I haven’t been sl….”
The announcer calls over the loudspeaker.
LOUDSPEAKER
"Dan Laurie"
SCOOTER
“What’s that Hollywood?”
DAN
“I can’t do this shit no more!”
SCOOTER
“You wanna swap for the courduroys?”
DAN
“Drive us caddy boy!”
Fans on the cart path gather around them as they bicker.
SCOOTER
“SWAP PANTS! WITH ME!”
DAN
“If you don’t hit the gas, I’m not leaving any water in your bowl tonight.”
SCOOTER
“Anybody got a tissue for princess Laurie? HELLO!”
Scooter points around at the onlookers like a cop.
DAN
“Alright.”
SCOOTER
“Dannielle stained her prom dress and sat on her tiara.”
DAN
“ALRIGHT!”
